At first, you will probably feel selfish, guilty, or embarrassed when you set a boundary. Setting healthy boundaries in friendship is a prerequisite for a healthy friendship, but do it anyway and tell yourself you have a right to self-care. Setting boundaries takes practice, determination, and grit.
“Don’t let anxiety or low self-esteem prevent you from taking care of yourself”. Terry Cole.
No one said setting boundaries is easy, but you have to do what is right. Setting boundaries is a crucial aspect of any healthy relationship in the workplace, among friends, among siblings, and within the family.
In this part of the world, when people buy land, they put a boundary in place, for example, a fence preventing intruders on their land setting boundaries can mirror this.
In this article, you will understand
What are healthy boundaries?
Areas where you need to set boundaries.
Importance of setting boundaries.
What healthy boundaries look like.
How to set boundaries.
Examples of healthy boundaries in friendship
What are healthy boundaries?
It is an act of openly communicating your values to prevent them from violating them.
Having boundaries without enforcing them is more or less not having them at all. Because friends will ignore them when they can because they feel you are okay with it.
Boundaries are crucial in every aspect of your life, and limits in friendships aren’t exceptional. Having boundaries in place will leave you at peace and less stressed.
A friend may have told you in the past she does not like how a colleague talked to her.
An important reason it went on was that there was no boundary in place. Setting boundaries place a line between how you want people to treat you and putting them in check.
People will always treat you how they like until you communicate your values and how you want them to treat you.
Henry Cloud said.” You get what you tolerate.”
Setting boundaries in friendship is communicating your values, and why they are crucial to you.
The different areas you should set boundaries
“Healthy boundaries are not walls, they are gates and fences that allow you to enjoy the beauty of your own garden.” Lydia Hall.
Boundaries should be in place in every area you can think of, in the workplace, in relationships, in friendships, among siblings, and within the family.
Setting a healthy boundary in your workplace is saying no to the comfort of someone at the detriment of your peace and sanity.
Setting a healthy boundary in a relationship is communicating how you want your lover to treat you.
In friendship, a healthy boundary is when your friends respect your time and the decisions you make.
There are different reasons you should set boundaries in friendship.
1. Things become overwhelming.
You can’t give what you don’t have (you can’t pour from an empty cup) when things become tiring and overwhelming. Having boundaries is putting yourself first, even though they perceive you as selfish.
2. More Responsibilities.
Take, for example, you now have kids to care for compared to when you were still single, a healthy boundary in your friendship is communicating that you don’t have all the time you had before and you will appreciate it if they respect your time.
3. A one-sided relationship
I mean, no one wants to give all they have without getting something in return. We are all humans and we want people to treat us right and the same way we treat them.
People set boundaries when they feel or see they are the only one who wants friendship.
4. Your belief differs from theirs.
In situations where a particular conversation sparks up an argument, you can set boundaries and not have the said conversation when you are around them.
5. Actions and vibe.
Using myself as an example, when someone is communicating with me, and all they do is shout, one boundary I have put in place is to tell them if they can’t talk calmly, then we shouldn’t be having this conversation.
Importance of setting healthy boundaries.
Setting boundaries outlines the foundation of how you want others to treat you.
When the foundation is right from the onset, both parties are happy.
When friends treat you a certain way, stop asking why they keep doing it and start asking why you keep allowing it.
1. Less anger.
2. You get the respect you want.
3. They hear you.
4. You are more at peace and safe.
5. Have enough time to do things that matter and make you happy.
What does a healthy boundary look like?
“Boundaries need to be communicated first verbally and then with actions. ,” Henry Cloud
Setting boundaries with friends can seem personal. Come to think of it, you sometimes get to share a secret with a friend. A healthy boundary is asking them to keep the secret and respect your request.
Or when a friend takes something of yours and gives it back when they should, or you having a meeting with a friend at a particular time, setting a boundary is communicating that you have other things to attend to and when it’s the said time the meeting will begin.
How to set healthy boundaries
1. What are your priorities?
It begins with listing things that are important to you and things you will never compromise on. Boundaries in friendship come in different forms in terms of physical, emotional, financial, and moral standards.
2. By saying no when you should and not feeling bad about it.
You can be a good person with a kind heart and still say no to people.
Being able to say ”No” is a necessary ingredient in a healthy lifestyle.
Saying no to some people can be disheartening, but it’s really worth it in the end.
3. Don’t be afraid to use the I statement.
Setting boundaries is about being vocal. So instead of starting your statement with you, use the I word.
So instead of saying you always come late to the meetings, say I don’t like it when you come late to our meetings or I would appreciate it if you could come earlier next time.
4. Be consistent and intentional in implementing your boundaries.
For example, a compound had a fence that prevented animals from coming in (in context, the barrier is the boundary). They brought it down, which opened the door for animals to troupe in.
The same goes for when you are not consistent in implementing your boundaries. Friends will go back to ways they treated you before there were boundaries.
5. What’s in it for you?
Continually remind yourself of the benefit you have when you set boundaries.
Will it help in boosting your self-esteem?
Are you going to be happier?
Will you function well and be more productive?
Will you have a healthy relationship with your friends?
Examples of setting boundaries in friendship
Asking that they respect your time.
Communicating how you want them to treat you.
Showing them how you want them to address you or any situation in the future.
Asking them to put things in the right place.
Asking them not to call you at a particular time.
Finally
Friendships work best when you are clear and communicate your expectation and needs. You can share yourself and others’ respect by setting clear, consistent boundaries.
Setting boundaries in friendship is a lot of work. It doesn’t come easy, but it’s all worth it. Check for more quotes on setting boundaries.